A Christmas talk I had
How to make women’s bathrooms safer
There is so much talk about how there lies danger in trans people or drag queens being able to use women’s bathrooms. My initial thought was, I never ever felt unsafe with a drag queen or a transperson in the bathroom, more so, especially in gay spaces that were dominated by cis gay men, that gave me security. I felt safer….
When at a gay club, and I was feeling unsafe (yes that can happen as well) because some cis dude, straight or gay or bi was giving me the creeps, I would often be asked by a drag queen, if I was ok. Or I could ask them for help. Because they made me feel safer. I asked myself why that was?
Why would a drag queen make me feel safer?
People who value femininity as much as drag queens do, most likely are safer than dudes who don’t. Drag queens use quite some energy and time, to pay homage to femininity. Their Hair and wigs, their make up, what they wear. And people who question gender norms and often the binary just by being themselves, which trans people do, are in average safer than dudes with all the privilege and no need to question their behavior. Ever.
Transpeople are questioned on a regular and it is reflected to them, that they are not ok they way they are, either not feminine enough are too feminin and not masculine enough. Not cis enough. The binary idea of what people should be like, is in their face all day, every day. So of course they know sexism. trans phobia is a form of sexism, as is homophobia, which often drag queens experiences., But mostly drag queens experience sexism, that devalues the feminine. And they celebrate it. I don’t want to nor do I speak for either drag queens nor transpeople, it is an observation of mine.
Conclusion
So no, having trans people drag queens ins women’s bathrooms is not the problem, it is, if any, the support system.
Having cis het dudes be cis her dudes in or around women’s bathrooms is the problem. Always. Not sharing a bathroom with people who know the struggle (even if it is different, it still stems from misogyny).
I am not saying that trans people or drag queens could not be sexist, of course they can, like everybody else (people peopling), of course, but because of their lived experiences, they most likely are more aware of sexism, misogyny and dangers that come with it. The many drag queen that have made me feel safe, in male dominated spaces, is huge and anybody who says otherwise, just has no clue and makes no sense.
Smashing the patriarchy and stopping violence against women*
will only happen, when femininity is not degraded anymore and cis get dudes stop being the aggressor. Drag queens and transpeople have nothing to do with what women should be scared of. And cis het dudes will not dress up in drag to commit violence in women’s bathrooms, one it is way to much work and two we would immediately know, because since they devalue femininity so much, they most likely do a really bad job at that. So no. The danger is always the cis het dudes, that present binary and heteronormative. Not the others.
Cis heterosexual dudes will get in those women’s bathroom if we let in the drag queens and the transpeople, nevertheless. They will find ways. So banning (mostly potential allies) is counter productive
Thank you beautiful
And I remember a drag queen once kicking one dude like that out of a bathroom, for me, she was tall and beautiful and she most likely saved my bodily autonomy. So thank you, again! Having bathroom chats with fellow drag queens in women’s bathrooms have never ever made me feel unsafe, but instead safe. Who says differently has never even lived through that. And just spews hate and lies. It’s always the cis het dudes who we are scared of. Always.
hm, the Christmas conversation I had about this, left me with the question, that I now answered. I posted this first on @therads, but thought, it is worthy of a blog post.
Feels safe and this new years and team up with people in solidarity, not in hate. Solidarity is way less sticky and has so much potential, be it out in a club or at the private party to see drop the ball. I’ll keep on trying to answer my own questions and hopefully go dancing soon again.
love
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💜Julia, the WingWhisperer